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Beiträge
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„It’s harder now that it’s over“
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Ohne Musik ist alles Leben ein Irrtum.Highlights von Rolling-Stone.deWerbungStarlite Diner[…]alles andere findet sich in der Spalte rechts.
Aus dem Interview:
„I really no more wanna make a record under „Ryan Adams“. Really, hearing my own name makes me wanna take a dagger and, really, shove it so fucking hard into my stomache until I’m dead. I just can’t fucking stand it, for the fact that I’ve worked so hard and these guys have worked so hard and we love what we do so much, but I cannot stand my self. At all, and I just wanna be in the band that I’m in. And, like, I just wanna be alone for the rest of my life and die under a huge stack of comics and let roaches eat my fucking eyes out of my skull“
Jay.Oh, Ryan..
„Oh, Ryan“, indeed.
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Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to exit the donut!@ Starlite
Tina hat sich ja bereits die Mühe gemacht, eine dieser teilweise pretentiösen aber immer verwirrenden RA-Antworten zu transkribieren. Dafür geb‘ ich schon mal high five. Nur ganz kurz: Wenn einer in knappen zehn Minuten fast im Alleingang alle AOL-Zuschauer-Fragen beantwortet — für die Art und Weise: siehe Tinas Post –, stellt er sich nach meinem Verständnis mehr vor die Band (was er laut Aussagen gar nicht will), denn in Reih und Glied der Band (was er will). Daher nehm ich das alles mit einem Esslöffel Salz, wenn er von einer Band redet. Was man natürlich nicht erfährt ist, ob die Bandmitglieder ihn vielleicht einfach reden lassen um ihre Ruhe zu haben..das könnte auch sein.
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i bleed green[/I][/SIZE] [/FONT]Das Merkwürdige an Ryan-Interviews ist ja, dass er durchaus auch sinnvolles von sich geben kann, siehe diese kleine Songauswahl im Dez. RS. Aber dann kommt immer wieder eine große Unsicherheit heraus und er albert rum oder macht sich über den Moderator lustig. Reifes, einem 34 Jahre alten angemessenes Verhalten sieht anders aus.
SweetheartAnstatt der AOL-Sessions gibt es nun eben die Black Cab-Sessions.
wow, tausend Dank. Diese Sessions sind fantastisch. Brian Wilson und seine Gang (7 in einem Taxi!) haben gerade ein dickes Grinsen auf mein Gesicht gezaubert. Das management bewarb sich mit folgender mail: „Dear Black Cabs, would you please consider filming a session with Brian Wilson (of the Beach Boys).“
Auch wundervoll: Joey Burns von Calexico, der aus dem Fenster heraus die Passanten ansingt. daraus sollte man ne DVD machen.Cardinal Cave:
me- 34-a non smoker and happy, for the first time in my life.. i am excited to finish this wonderful time i have had with the cardinals and whatever new adventures may come after march. atlanta will be my last venture with the band and i am grateful for the time we have had and maybe someday we will have more stories to tell together. i am however ready for quieter times as i think it is very evident i am struggling with some balance and hearing issues.
also, no drama or anything but i am okay to step back from all of this right now and i think i did enough manic blogging when i felt alone and isolated during the last few years of travel. these last few years were the hardest i can remember and the most rewarding but i have loved ones to care for now and i am lucky i have been given a chance to turn around and see just what i am capable of as a friend and as someone who is not gone forever every year- it rendered me incapable of things i needed to be to myself and others- and my schedule sometimes never ended when the shows did- and some of that was my doing. and i lost someone i loved, and i lost myself.
that changed. i got to know just who i am in this little spell of time here recently. and change is the nature of the world and i naturally embrace that.
i won’t be blogging here anymore either- but not for effect- it just is not being kind to myself- i need a life that is mine- i need to grow up and grow in to who i have subtly been working back towards since i stopped all that nonsense and i know also no matter what i choose to do in the music world, because i chose to do things my way and never lie i will always be viewed as an “asshole” ( i hear and have seen things in the past) and i am not, and i know the truth and i know who i am.
also it is kind of ridiculous to blog as i am a musician and anything i say here just gets reprinted at some point out of context. i say NOT FAIR but it doesn’t matter what i say anymore or what is fair anymore really does it- the 21st century media has it’s own rules about what is true and what is not. it is not a life- not one i want to live anyway and i don’t really care to participate in narcissistic over-indulgent behavior anymore- that was never my intention- i just wanted to fight for my right to make music and to be given the benefit of the doubt. now, because i have stood up for myself and fought for myself i am labeled all kinds of awful things. well, i will walk away now and it will not matter what anyone say’s. there are other things i can do in this life, other ways to be creative and to try and help others and be expressive without being demonized for attempting to gain the same things any other human being desires- love- friendship- understanding- and being able to express yourself without constant fear of being mistreated for speaking up
i have friends to make, brand new books coming (two of em’ not counting that one already printed and on it’s way out there and i LOVE writing….yay!) and a whole lot of living and learning to do.
i am excited to step away. i lost more than anyone will ever know (hearing, someone i loved, my sense of dignity, a never ending losing battle with stage fright and now my hearing and balance due to an inner ear issue- people accusing me of not being sober when i am suffering tremendous pain and nausea from my inner ear symptoms- people accusing me of theft (THEFT- ….awful) and this is not much of a life, not glamorous like those ridiculous video’s a long time ago television played and no it is not monetarily as rewarding as people would like you to believe and yes, it is soul destroying. especially when you spend your life trying to write about the really difficult stuff and you stand there losing your way and people yell at you like you were in a circus. when it was your dream to matter and you realize one day, it never mattered- i mean, i am a punch-line and a footnote in what is worse to yell at someone besides “free-bird”. i mean, i lost. and it’s okay because i seriously snuck some pretty neat idea’s in there in the work when i was making those mistakes or they were being made by others. this business is no science.
andf you know, whatever this is- it’s not my dream. and it is a punishing thing to endure when you are getting worse and worse- it’s not my dream, my dream was to try and tap into that energy i saw watching Minutemen vcr tapes when i was just a little shit in NC of mike watt’s crazy shaking leg and his electric fingers- or how sonic youth droned into beautiful clouds those guitars shaking, kim and steve rattling the pulsing lines into feverish thudding imaginary subway cars racing through my heart- and how it felt to just let go and static up a riff and find the sweet spot- but getting yelled at for just being a songwriter- to be called so many horrid things because i chose to love music so much, and also to look for peace and balance in my life- that is not kindness and just not my thing. at least not now.
and i loved somebody. and i let others decided if that was okay and that was wrong and i was wrong and no one should deny themselves or others love or understanding because people don’t get it. that was an awful mistake. i always make big mistakes. it’s like i let myself learn that because that was a role, a niche’ i filled that make sense to a loud voice of strangers who would never really play a real part in my life.
never become that if you choose this path- if you go this route with your art. never listen to those loud dissatisfied bystanders who only want to see you fail because that will be entertaining for that moment. hold fast to your dreams, hold faster to your heart and never step out of the light of that love that made you whole. i did. and i know better now. and better late than never i suppose.
but i am okay now. i see a peaceful way to better days now. i am healing. and most importantly i feel loved and i have learned to treat myself with that same curiosity and lover that i have been lucky enough to feel and to learn to let guide my life. love is the great teacher and i am happy to be learning now. happy to be listening to that over this never ending painful ringing. this is the great lesson of my life. for once i want to be dignified in my study and in one place long enough to hear and understand without my pride or my lack of faith in myself leading me further away from things i need to know once and for all.
this is the real work now. the rest is something else entirely.
quitting smoking was a good step and i am happy i also am just now beginning to understand how important it is i take better care of myself in every way right now. hell i am even beginning to sleep a little and i can feel the things good and bad that i did not have time to feel when i was running towards a new oblivion of work, hoping somehow someday what i did would be accepted and maybe that would make me feel loved. how foolish.
that is not love. love is being accepted for who you are. love is taking care of yourself and caring for others and dreaming out loud when it matters. not chasing rainbows. not hoping for some eventual collective sigh of approval which will never come. how did i ever think in those terms? i always knew better. thank goodness i know now how to be honest with myself.
anyway, enjoy these shows ( i will enjoy them immensely and i will miss them just as much) and know that i am not abandoning anyone, not the cardinals and not the fans, this is just something i need to do now, and that i loved playing music in the cardinals and hell, even before i was in a place to try and learn to be well, music was my life source- and cardinals was such a heavy crush and a real dream…i honor it too much to have any regrets right now, i am just proud.
maybe we will play again sometime and maybe i will work my way back into some kind of music situation but this is the time for me to step back now, to reel it in and i wish everyone peace and happiness and if music is your dream, or if just dreaming is your dream, may you find your way through the rough patch with ease and i hope you let go and it takes you all the way there-
loving kindness to all.
R
Kein Kommentar!
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Der Mann ist mental nicht fit.
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i bleed green[/I][/SIZE] [/FONT]Sicher nicht, aber ich frage mich, wie ernst die Ohrenprobleme sind. Wenn man Gleichgewichtsstörungen und Ohrenschmerzen hat, dann kann das ziemlich katastrophale Auswirkungen auf das Leben haben. Für einen Musiker ist da ja nochmals schlimmer. Aber wie soll man von außen beurteilen, ob das stimmt?
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Ohne Musik ist alles Leben ein Irrtum.All the best, Ryan!
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Staring at a grey sky, try to paint it blue - Teenage BlueTomTom
Kein Kommentar!Findet sich gar irgendwo versteckt zwischen Seelenstriptease, Selbstmitleid und der (per seitenlangem Blog verkündeten) Einsicht, dass Bloggen irgendwie doch keine so gute Idee ist, ein Satz, der sich an die – vornehmlich musikinteressierte – Außenwelt richten könnte?
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I like to move it, move it Ya like to (move it)Jay.Hahahaha
Der Mann ist mental nicht fit.
Das ist in mentaler Hinsicht das gesundeste, was ich bislang von ihm gelesen habe, was ich von Deiner Antwort nicht gerade behaupten kann.
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Staring at a grey sky, try to paint it blue - Teenage Bluenail75Sicher nicht, aber ich frage mich, wie ernst die Ohrenprobleme sind. Wenn man Gleichgewichtsstörungen und Ohrenschmerzen hat, dann kann das ziemlich katastrophale Auswirkungen auf das Leben haben. Für einen Musiker ist da ja nochmals schlimmer. Aber wie soll man von außen beurteilen, ob das stimmt?
Sicher, so etwas ist ernst und sollte entsprechend respektiert werden. Die Art und Weise, wie den Fans dieser Umstand entgegengebracht wird, subsummiert für mich das, was man an good ol‘ DAs Verhalten immer kritisiert hat. Ich respektiere sowohl seinen Entschluss die Musik vorerst ad acta zu legen, als auch die Begründungen. Wie es aber kommuniziert wird, finde ich, gelinde gesagt, awesomely ridiculous.
Edit: Ich habe die wesentliche Aussage, die ich vorhin offensichtlich falsch gelesen hatte, in meinem Posting korrigiert.
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i bleed green[/I][/SIZE] [/FONT]Solo weiter machen? Er will für unbestimmte Zeit aufhören Musik zu machen und sich dem Schreiben (Text!) zuwenden, das ist das, was ich daraus lese. Und er schreibt ja aber auch, dass es durchaus sein kann, dass er mit den Cardinals irgendwann mal wieder spielen will und würdigt die Zusammenarbeit ja auch in höchten Tönen.
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Staring at a grey sky, try to paint it blue - Teenage BlueDass ein Ryan Adams jemals genug haben könnte vom Musik machen, würde ich nie unterschreiben. Dafür spuken ihm einfach zuviele Ideen durch den Kopf. Ich glaube aber, dass die Anstrengungen der letzten Jahre schlichtweg zuviel waren und er sich dessen mittlerweile auch bewusst ist. Wenn man noch die ganze Bloggerei der letzten Monate und die Arbeit an seinen Büchern dazu addiert, war es nur eine Frage der Zeit, bis er an seine Grenzen stößt.
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Wie immer bei RA: abwarten.
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j.w.Das ist in mentaler Hinsicht das gesundeste, was ich bislang von ihm gelesen habe
sehe ich ähnlich. fand’s auch interessant zu lesen. das apostroph-setzen beherrscht er nicht so richtig, aber davon abgesehen ist der text doch sehr gut nachvollziehbar geschrieben. und sowieso, bestimmt nicht die schlechteste idee, eine auszeit zu nehmen. bleibt nur zu hoffen, dass ihm nicht allzuschnell langweilig wird, ohne die fiesen medien und so.
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Dirty, dirty feet from the concert in the grass / I wanted to believe that freedom there could last (Willy Mason)
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